Wisdom Of Silence In Relationships – By Reshma

When To Remain Silent In Your Relationship – By Reshma

“Silence isn’t empty. It is full of answers.”

No man is an island. Man needs to be part of a society to thrive, because (for the most part) he does really badly in isolation.

That is why you love. Your relationship keeps you feeling connected, and constant positive engagements, chit-chat and socialisation with your partner gets you on a high. Even though it would be amazing to stay in this happy state (all the time), your interactions with your spouse can get complicated at the heart of your addictions with social media and hectic lifestyle. Your partner, in all their beauty, is an individual with a special personality, different set of emotions and belief systems, and for this reason alone, communication can be challenging. But if you can understand the process of interpersonal interaction with him/her, then these challenges can be a cake walk.

“A meaningful silence is better than meaningless words.”

The wisdom of silence cannot be emphasised enough. It can be immensely powerful if commanded right. In fact wordlessness can have more far-reaching consequences than words. Because the mind is constantly in a state of unrest, silence can be very uneasy for many people. It can have a negative undertone in your relationship when you use it to stop expressing what you feel and turn your back on one other. But if done right, silence can be used positively as well. It can cut short arguments and deepen your connection with your lover.

This is how:

1. Pause. If you can pause for a few seconds before responding to your partner, it will let them know that you haven’t withdrawn from them emotionally, rather you are considering their opinions and thoughts. You are responding. Not reacting. Remember, you are simply listening with an open mind to what your partner has said instead of jumping to conclusions and offering advice. This requires a lot of rehearsals though -to constantly remind yourself to refrain from talking, to keep your mouth shut, to listen instead and ask few questions. This will give your significant other an avenue to share more and your dialogue could become more sincere and productive.

During heated discussions, if you can exert consciousness and gracefully allow silence to take over you will be wonderstruck by the outcome. It may be uncomfortable to do so at first, but taking your own time and pace, and with plenty of practice, a little will go a long way.

Don’t be afraid of a few minutes of silence!

2. Having said that, silence and unresponsiveness can be very healing (for yourself) if you use it to end conversations with a partner who is unreasonable or offensive. It can help in conserving your energy and sparkle, and holds you back from having to deal with someone who drains your happy feelings. In life, you cannot avoid meeting people who suck your energies dry, but if your partner happens to be one of them, then disengaging from conflict that can sap you off your spirit, is crucial to your mental well-being.

3. Silence can also be great for the relationship if it is not misconstrued or misunderstood. Can you try to assume the best about your partner’s silence instead of the worst? If your loved one needs space to think, then why not give it wholeheartedly? They may gain clarity from the confusion, and will be able to reconnect with you with renewed love and liveliness. Same applies to you when you need some alone time. This way your relationship will strengthen when both your needs for ‘quiet’ are met.

4. Silence and tranquillity act as a gateway to your inner world. It helps you understand yourself and in the process, understand your partner better. It offers you deep insight into your relationship dynamics and helps you stay present and at peace with your loved one.

“Silence at the proper season is wisdom and better than any speech” – Plutarch

Sometimes it may be good to say nothing at all. Sometimes. Not all the time.

 

By Reshma Raju
M.Sc Psychology,
Certified Women’s Health Coach (USA)