Things To Look For In Your Future Husband By Alvira Diwan
Alvira Diwan’s Marriage Diaries – What To Look For In A Man Before Marriage?
Ever observed the matrimonial section of newspapers? The boy’s section is from his point of view, whereas the girl’s section is from her parents’ point of view. This may not be the case always but for the majority of the times, it is.
In some Asian countries and others, it is generally not considered “Good” for girls to talk about the kind of groom or marriage they want to have. Not stereotyping, but we live in a society where the groom is decided by the girl’s family based on his income, standard of living, family background and so on. And girls are just asked to say ‘yes’ on the basis of his looks, and whatever could be judged about him in a meeting or two with limited Conversation.
I don’t find this enough to analyze someone’s temperament, likes, dislikes or personality as a whole. And when you get married seeing everything but the person’s nature, you tend to have problems in adjusting to their behaviour and later on end up having to compromise with it. The option of compromising is dangerous and can have severe consequences sooner or later in life.
The other type of girls is, those who have a long list of must-haves in their potential groom. This list can be both materialistic or qualitative but never realistic. These are the kind of girls who live in a fantasy world waiting for their ‘Prince Charming’ to come with all his grace and have a happily ever afterlife forever. They are later shattered when reality hits them.
What is the right way then? The answer is complicated, the right to everyone would be different depending on their situation. But it is always recommended to have a balance rather than being an extremist.
Before you marry ‘him’, wait until you see him angry, how does he react? Is he abusive? How does he deal with his anxiety or anger?
Look for the kind of treatment he gives you when he’s upset with you about something. Looking out for each other’s nature and behaviour is very important. Your children cannot choose who their parents will be but you can choose someone who would be their ideal parent.
Alvira Diwan
Masters in Clinical Psychology
PsychWorks Clinic