Things To Consider Before Getting Married By Alvira Diwan

Marriage Diaries – Things One Should Consider Before Getting Married

I wanted to share a real-life situation but then decided to go with my understanding of the topic from what I’ve observed around me.

What we look for in a marriage (be it men or women) depends on various factors. But most importantly on our mental state.

If you think about it closely, when asked what kind of a partner do you want, you may feel that you are certain, however, you’ll only be clear about what you don’t want in your partner.

Surprising but a fact. And simple to justify, you learn from the negative experiences of people and marriages around you and draw points to avoid from observational learning.

For example, you may not want someone who is short-tempered or has issues in managing their emotions, because you’ve experienced many cases of domestic abuse around you in various forms such as emotional, verbal or physical.

When a man is looking for a prospective partner he would look for someone similar to his mother in terms of personality. Similarly, the woman would look for the traits of her father’s personality in her prospective groom. The reason being they are their first representatives of the opposite sex & also the people they idealize for their qualities and their dedication to the family. This is instinctive!

Let’s talk about the things you should consciously consider before getting Married:

Character over Finances.
A handsome rich man who can provide you with the luxuries beyond imagination may sound a great deal, but a man without character is a nightmare! Prioritize the strength of character over the strong ‘financial status’. At the end of the day, you need someone who is available for you emotionally.

Hobbies and Habits.
Imagine living with someone who loves what you dread! Talking about things you love and are particular about is quite essential because you are practically going to spend the rest of your life together.
Think about these situations –
Scenario 1: A girl who hates the smell of smoke or cannot stand the sight of seeing someone smoke gets married to someone who smokes regularly and derives pleasure from it!
Scenario 2: A boy who is an extrovert and loves partying gets married to an introvert who loves to socialize on rare occasions with a close group of familiars only.
Recipe for trouble right? Remember discussing your likes and dislikes before getting married is quite essential!

About Family and Dramas.
There’s a certain fuss about getting married and staying with In-laws in most of the Asian countries. To say that ‘it’s like a drama’ wouldn’t be an overstatement. It’s time we work towards diminishing the negative stereotypes which are responsible for creating fear in the minds of girls who are to stay with the husband’s family. Before you get married, bond with each other’s family so that you aren’t awkward being around them after marriage. Remember that you just don’t get married to a person but also become a part of their family. Discussing whether you are going to stay independently or with the family is something you should decide mutually when considering marriage.

Marry with the Right Intention.
Marry because you want to have a companion for life, your partner in crime and your constant supporter in sickness and health and because you are in love and are ready for this adventure called ‘Marriage’.

 

Alvira Diwan
Masters in Clinical Psychology
PsychWorks Clinic