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01 Jul, 2022
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secret hero

The Secret Hero! – Positive Reflection Of The Week

The Secret Hero: My Dad! – An Article by Shahwana

A father, for every little boy or girl, is a hero. We look upon them when we feel lost and at many times that male figure may not be the idle Hero, however, we look at the struggles they have gone through in their upbringing, and it all adds up.

I was the only daughter to my father, his intention coming from an orthodox family was a boy runs his name, carries the legend forward, sadly for my dad that was not the case. My father married my mum when she must be in her 30s, divorced with 3 children. She got pregnant with my father’s 1st baby, yes it was a boy (I can almost see my father’s face lit up when he must have heard the news, ‘it’s a boy’). His name now goes forward; someone who will carry his legend. Sadly, the baby passed away just 2 months after birth. My parents were moving into a new house, and they kept the baby basket on the chilly wooden floor all night, the baby got pneumonia and succumbed to it. That must have shattered his dreams, and the pain must have been devastating. I cannot even imagine that pain. After a few months my mom fell pregnant again, this time, I was in her womb. My soul had chosen to be in a female body, there were no ultrasounds machines to detect the gender, so they must have just waited for my arrival. Well I arrived sometime in 1968,  and as I was growing up, my dad always referred to me as a ‘boy’ calling me by nicknames which were mostly associate to the male gender. Time flew, and I shared a short life with my dad, as he passed away in 1982, when I was barely 14. I never thought of the importance of his pain, or understood much. It was only after learning Pranic Healing & Arhatic Yoga workshops, that I have come to understand lots of stuff about the soul journey. Looking back, I realize how much sadness there was in him & that he was unable to express it, as being a ‘man’, tears are seen as a sign of weakness, as men are supposed to be these brave figures. Emotions have no place for men and only women have the right to express their emotions, or so it is wrongly believed. This thought triggered memories of my Father, he would be sad & I felt it, he never said much most of the time. Then on the day he passed away, I remember him staring at me a ‘long gaze’, he asked for water, & that was his last sip. His long gaze still lingers with me, every time I think of him, I always wonder did he want to say something? So when I got married off after his death, I was only 16, my heart told me to keep his name, & when I was 18 years old, the Kenya National ID cards became a compulsory requirement, I was firm in wanting to keep my dad’s name, maybe to honour that Hero in my heart and let him know that I will carry his legend, & that he will not be forgotten. Perhaps to feel that certain sense of importance, I kept his name. Whatever the reason, my PP – ID carry my Hero’s name “Sabir”, that has kept me connected to him.

Our fathers carry half of our genetic makeup. Our relationship with our father plays a huge part of who we will become. In many segments of society, people grow up without ever knowing their father. This is unfortunate because fathers should play as important a role in raising their children as mothers. A father is the model of a man for his daughter, and she will choose a man who is like him. A father is the model for his son as well. Fortunately, there is a trend for fathers to be more active in their children’s’ lives.

He never looks for praises.
He’s never one to boast.
He just goes on quietly working
For those he loves the most.
His dreams are seldom spoken.
His wants are very few,
And most of the time his worries
Will go unspoken, too.
He’s there…a firm foundation
Through all our storms of life,
A sturdy hand to hold onto
In times of stress and strife.
A true friend we can turn to
When times are good or bad.
One of our greatest blessings,
The man that we call Dad.

Poem source:

secret hero

Shahwana Khanam – Pranic Healer

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