The Empath Woman – A Women’s Health Article Written By Reshma

Setting Boundaries

How many of us have trouble setting boundaries?

I’d like to safely assume that for most of us, this may be a huge challenge. Especially if you happen to be an empath kind of woman.

Who is an empath?

The internet says, “Empaths are hypersensitive people  who experience a high level of compassion, consideration, and understanding towards others.”

However, this woman is also used to putting others before her such that she has forgotten to create a space for ‘herself’. She has forgotten to nourish herself. She may believe that she is not worthy of placing herself first, if so, why should others in her life?

“Our outer world is merely a reflection of our inner world”
Our relationship with others reflect our relationship with ourselves. As we feel more and more worthy or unworthy, the external environment and our relationship with others will gradually reflect the one we hold within ourselves. Therefore, our work begins within…about how we perceive our self.

I also think this applies to a particular woman amongst us: the super-empath woman. Now we are all empaths to a certain degree, but there are some of us who bleed empathy like nobody’s business.And in doing so, we fail to see that ‘empathy’ might not be so constructive at all times, and can present itself as a very energy-draining ability.

We are super forgiving, super compassionate, super-loving, super nice. Some of us may be high on meditative practices and living moment to moment, letting go of bygone moments, being detached and letting old transgressions pass. Then it starts all over again. But in the long run, is this healthy?

I don’t think so.

Super empathic women need to take a look at the dark nature of their empathy. They need to see their empathy as an attachment to a particular version of themselves. This version that believes that they are compassionate, eternal givers and lovers, that it is amazing and elevating to be this way..of course it is fantastic to be all this, but not all the time and not under all circumstances.

There is nothing we can do in life, there is no role we can play as mother, worker, partner without, firstly, being able to give regard and respect for our self. When there is no balance in our giving (where we are constantly giving others because it is ideal to do so), we land up not giving to our self. We put ourselves in the backseat.

This is not true giving. This is a chronic problem. This kind of giving is done to feed an identity that we have created inside. This is not real.

We become super-empaths by way of societal conditioning. Our culture tells us to be martyrs, highly tolerant and patient, that women need to be this way all the time in order to thrive. But please note that this is all scripted by the world we live in. When you chose to stop playing this role, you become free. There is absolutely nothing sinful about doing this for your self. In fact it could be one of your greatest life lessons.

In all honesty, this is a challenge I face till today. I thought I was a loving, giving person, without realising how this was detrimental to my well-being. I was trying to fulfil a character inside me that believed it was exemplary to be this way. That my relationships would flourish if I put others before my own needs. All this because I lacked in self-worth.
However, today, I am also able to give from a space of worth, power and authenticity, from a position of self-preservation. Today I am able to give and receive from a place of boundaries, where I am being recognised and respected. We are all work in progress one day at a time.

Not just from bleeding empathy.

So dear ladies, please stop. Reach out to yourself, and claim what you rightfully deserve. Expect to receive as much as you give, live in a reality of mutuality. Because giving without receiving means there is an imbalance, and this imbalance needs to be fixed. These boundaries need to be set within, for yourself, not for the significant others around you. These limits are set to curb “our need to please”, to create boundaries against that persona who thinks it is perfectly fine to give more and more at our own cost.

If you set your boundary inside, it will manifest outside in the real world, and dignity and authenticity  will flow abundantly into you.

By Reshma Raju
M.Sc Psychology,
Certified Women’s Health Coach (USA)