Taking The Stress Out Of Your Relationship – By Reshma
How to Take The Stress Out Of Your Relationship – By Reshma
Stress is where you want to be. Peace is who you are.
Loss of intimacy and death of romance are what describes relationships in about 6 months or less these days. The honeymoon period is finished before it has even started. Then partners start work that demand attention of more than 80 hours a week and how do they cope? They cope by shutting each other out. Emotional distance sets in.
The thing is emotional distance and romance don’t mix well at all like oil. And this emotional distance causes couples to slip into a vortex of disappointment and frustration and before you know it they are uncomfortable in each other’s space. Most likely the case when one or both partners succumb to stress.
Troubles in the partnership emerge when one partner shuts the other out from their inner world. It is unintentional but highly destructive. In distress the mind just operates through unconscious defense mechanisms of the past.
Therefore, when partners find ways to navigate through stress in a conscious manner, they can restore closeness, intimacy and romance.
Identify your stressors: High levels of stress from outside can interfere in your ability to communicate, connect and manage conflict with your partner. Chances are if you are stressed, your partner is also stressed. Remember people react to and experience severity of stress differently, even if it is the same stress.
Communicate from your heart: Once you figure out what your stressors are start sharing. Talk to each other what each has been going through. Ask these questions and take turns answering them:
- How has stress been affecting each other emotionally?
- What are you doing to cope?
- How are you coping with the stress that is having a positive impact on your relationship?
- How are you coping with the stress that is having a negative impact on your relationship?
- How would you like to cope and reduce stress in the future?
Listen to each other intently.
Strengthen your resilience: Resilience is the ability to bounce back from stress and trauma. The stronger your resilience is, the better you cope. The weaker it is, you can always strengthen it. This is however a personal journey and a journey of togetherness. Some ways can be to start connecting with your partner via travel. Head out. Work out. Connect socially. Set goals. Work on goals to make improvements in your relationship. Meditate. Practice gratitude. Together.
So yes, stress can change your partner’s views of the world and of themselves.
Many couples feel that relationships should be devoid of stress. And this feeling is enough to make them more stressed out. And the best way out of this is to embrace a middle ground between extreme boredom and extreme overwhelm.
Stress is completely essential. But being stressed out is completely optional.
We need stress to a certain degree to activate our nervous system, so that we can get around doing all that we need to do every day. In fact it is the stress which gets our butts moving to move and do stuff in the world.
Robert Saplosky (wrote ‘Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers’), says “The complete absence of stress is aversively boring. Moderate, transient stress is wonderful– various aspects of brain function are enhanced…. And as stress becomes more severe and prolonged, those good effects disappear.”
Maybe if you lived in a utopian world where you get to control everything that your partner says or does, then perhaps you would be able to avoid stress. But frankly speaking you’d be bored as shit!
By Reshma Raju
Certified Women’s Health Coach (USA)
Do you need relationship advice? Ask your questions & Reshma will get back!