Stagnancy In Relationships – By Reshma

WHEN YOU GET STAGNANT IN A RELATIONSHIP – By Reshma

In all relationships there comes an element of boredom. And most likely when you are in one of these places, you will chance upon some sticky, frustrating spots. These frustrating spots can feel stagnant. Regardless of how much stability we want in our partnership we also have a tendency for ease and change.

This feeling of stagnancy can be because of familiarity in the relationship. You might find it hard to coax your partner to ‘be’ a certain way or give you what you need or desire. Stagnancy may also have something to do with an aspect in your life outside the relationship. And this stagnancy makes you feel powerless, and weak.

We are creatures of habit, and therefore we make this stagnancy worse by doing what we do best – avoiding, detaching, nagging, resenting. And yet we do this over and over again. So then as difficult as it may seem, the best way to bring back a sense of empowerment and self efficacy is to take ownership of our feelings, and therefore move through it.

Change your internal state

You have no control over your partner or the situation, so try changing your internal state instead.

When you create an internal change by shifting yourself into a different energetic state, you allow yourself to come back to the relationship with a new perspective. Of course this is not done with the intention of allowing your partner to indulge in unhealthy behaviors, or avoiding the situation. Instead it is to regain connection with yourself, reclaim your inner power and gain a new understanding of yourself and your partner.

This shift will also energetically influence your loved one, allowing you to respond to their moods and behavior from a clear space and create a more fruitful outcome for the relationship.

Positive State Change

When stress is high, we commonly change our state and energies with less healthy things – junk food, drugs, alcohol, porn, overworking, throwing the cat around, flirting behaviors outside the relationship (leading to cheating and betrayal), oversleeping. Clearly these patterns drain your energy and make you unavailable for your partner. So trying some of the following mind/body exercises to energise your mind, ground you and bring you back to a state of openness is very essential.

Identifying your state and activities that will help

• If you don’t feel grounded – grounding meditation
• If you feel disconnected from your partner/yourself – centre meditation
• High energy and you want to release it – exercise
• No energy – get out in nature
• Emotional energy that needs releasing – journal, exercise
• Fragility – art, music, nature

Some Simple State Changing Practices

If you do these practices mindfully, it will immediately help change your state and support your wellbeing.

1. Breathing
2. Meditation
3. Shifting your energy with physical exercise- walking, jogging, cycling, yoga
4. Safely expressing your anger with self chat, movement, breath and sound
5. Getting out in nature
6. Surrender to a higher power (whatever this means for you) and let it go
7. Journaling what you feel without judgement
8. Practicing mindfulness or any other self-help technique
9. Gardening, attending to your pets
10. Uplifting music
11. Doing familiar things in a new way
12. Cooking a healthy meal
13. Fasting
14. Listening to affirmations
15. Putting on some aromatherapy
16. Going for a swim
17. Self pleasuring
18. Making Love to your partner
19. Going for a massage with your partner
20. Sleeping alone
21. Finding a place where you can feel totally safe and filling yourself up with it
22. Art
23. Do an act of charity for someone
24. Singing, chanting
25. Travelling with your partner

 

By Reshma Raju
M.Sc Psychology,
Certified Women’s Health Coach (USA)