Single Parenting During COVID-19 Lockdown

The lockdown has surely taken its toll on most families in general, however, it has been even tougher on the single parents. Kids who used to be at school are now all of a sudden stuck at home and single parents who are working from home are finding it tedious to juggle having the kids around. Not to mention some single parents are even facing the pressures of unemployment whilst having to take care not only after their child but also having to take care of the finances that are paramount for the survival.

So how can one find the balance between work, taking care of the child or children as well as managing the difficult behaviour during these difficult times?

1. The first step to achieving the balance is to ACCEPT the current situation: Even though this sounds absurd it actually is the first and foremost step. Accepting the situation doesn’t mean you have to fall in love with it. It means you need to accept without any reactions such as battling it out. It is normal to have feelings of anger, frustration, resentment and so on especially during the lockdown but what’s important is to keep it at bay. Accept your feelings and try and figure out what is and what isn’t in your control. Once you have done that you will understand you can only work with the things that are in your control and can’t change things that aren’t in your control. This acceptance will help you feel better and you will be able to work & focus on improvement.

By accepting the situation you allow yourself to be kinder to yourself. Just because you are single and all of a sudden you feel lonely (which is normal given the circumstances), know that you are NOT ALONE. There are many people who are going through the same just as yourself. Know you are trying to just survive each day and that’s all that should matter.

2. Lower your parenting bar & be easy on yourself: Parenting is a tough job on its own and you are doing this job all on your own. Pat yourself and feel proud and don’t beat yourself if not all days are rosy.

3. Even though you are now homeschooling from home, RELAX a little: Remember, you are doing this all on your own; juggling your work, housework, the kid and the kid’s schoolwork. It is definitely not going to be possible to homeschool and be your kid’s teacher every day. If you can even do this 2-3 days a week BRAVO! Don’t beat yourself up! You are a human not a superhuman with superpowers! You can also turn to the teachers for help when you get the chance to so they can provide extra support when you are having stressful days, they may even relax the timings for assignments for example to accommodate you. Remember everyone understands the situation and everyone wants to help everyone during this time.

4. Set a routine: Maybe make a timetable to help you prioritise and get things done. As it is working from home can be difficult and now you have to homeschool too. To balance the two it’s important you draw up a timetable. You can also speak with your employer and ask them to consider your situation so they can be flexible with you. When making a timetable also use timers or bells (such as classroom bells) to alert your child when you are available versus when you need to work.

5. Most importantly go easy on yourself & have your ‘ME-TIME’: Even if it’s a few minutes a day for yourself, do it! Whether it’s doing meditation or taking a walk, whatever it is you need to relax. Taking a small break every now and then is important for your mental health.

6. Screen time for the kid(s) should be slightly relaxed by default during this lockdown: No, don’t have him/her glued 24/7 on the screen but an extra hour here and there won’t harm you or the child. In fact, it will give you some extra time to get whatever it is you had to get done.

How To Tackle The Behaviour Issues:

Get ahead of these issues! Remember it’s not only a difficult time for you but also for the kid(s). Being 24/7 in each other’s faces can be frustrating and annoying making conflicts unavoidable. If you have more than one teen and they get into a fight let them sort it out. If they are younger then maybe you can intervene and help them resolve the conflict. Tantrums & rebellious behaviour are not uncommon given the current situation with so many restrictions. This can be frustrating for your child. Be easy on them they too have lost what they considered their normal routine. Not being able to go to school or meet friends, or play with the neighbour’s kids is a big and sudden change for kids. So their behaviour is not outrageous and should be accepted provided it isn’t detrimental. Handle each tantrum with a little more love and affection but at the same time let them know that they need to behave (not allowing them to use tantrums as an excuse). Having conversations about what’s bothering them, their life and what they feel in the current situation can help. Keep it candid. If they are younger, you may want to let them know that they are loved & that you are there for them. Maybe you can plan on virtual playdates if they miss their friends so that they can at least feel they are in touch with their friends.

On the other hand, if your kid(s) is/are behaving don’t forget to PRAISE THEM. If they are being helpful be it in the kitchen or have managed to finish their assignment with little or no help allowing you time to finish your work make sure you let them know that you appreciate them. By praising them you not only reinforce good behaviour but also tend to keep the environment happy and this helps makes day to day living during the crisis a lot easier.