Sexless Marriage – H&S Love Affair

Are You ‘Stuck’ In A Sexless Marriage?

What is a ‘Sexless Marriage’ you may ask! Firstly, it’s important to understand that ‘physical intimacy’ is what makes a marriage romantic. A sexless marriage is a marriage in which there is little or no sexual activity between the couple. So you must be pondering on what is considered as ‘little’ sexual activity? Sexual activity or intimacy that occurs less than 10 times a year can be considered as little or minimal. However, it is important to understand that it’s not just about the frequency but what you and your partner are okay with. If a sexless marriage doesn’t bother either of you then that’s okay, but however, if one of you feels concerned, hurt, and/or disconnected then there’s an issue. But the good news is that it can be fixed.

What Are The Causes?

It’s important to understand that sexless marriage doesn’t mean your marriage is over! There are many reasons such as physical & mental health issues, history of sexual abuse, stress etc. that could lead to a sexless marriage. Below are some of the common causes amongst couples who experience a lack of sex in their marriage:

1. Physical & Mental Health Issues- It’s important to understand that a healthy body functions differently from a sick person’s body. A body that is physically and mentally unfit, will have a lesser desire for physical intimacy with low libido.

2. Stress- Stress isn’t good for your body and your relationship. A stressed person gets exhausted and simply has no desire or energy for sex.

3. Birth- Childbirth can be very taxing on a woman’s mental and physical health. After birth, women can’t have sex for weeks, as their body heals and tend to an infant. The changes in the body, hormones can also affect their libido.

4. Communication Gap- Communication is key. However, infidelity, conflicts & arguments, negative emotions, financial issues, grief can all affect the communication with your partner. This in turn will lead to no sex.

5. Erectile Dysfunction- If a man is unable to achieve or maintain an erection it means he suffers from erectile dysfunction. Obviously, sex will be hindered but also a man can have low self-esteem and self-confidence which will drive him away from having sex.

6. History Of Sexual Abuse- This can have a negative impact on a relationship as fear, guilt, shame, take over, making sex a difficult chore!

7. Mismatched Libido- It’s important to understand you and your partner won’t have the same sex drive. Couples need to be in a mood to be able to have sex. However, if one partner has a high sex drive this can be frustrating and can also cause pressure and stress on the partner. The result; a sexless marriage!

How To Save A Sexless Marriage?

A sexless marriage can be saved, provided the issues are recognized and addressed accordingly. It is also important that couples need to understand that comparing themselves to another couple who has sex 24/7 doesn’t work. The reality is very different from what you get to read or hear and this is definitely not true for the majority. Your relationship with your partner is unique and that’s what every couple should understand. Once you accept that there is a problem and it needs to be fixed the next thing you need to do is work on your relationship.

1. Work On Your Communication- Discuss openly the issue or issues. Whether it’s stress-related or health-related talk to your partner as nothing is worse than a marriage without communication.

2. Work On Your Intimacy- People always equate intimacy to sex! The truth is sex or no sex, there are so many ways of being intimate. Talk with your partner and work on it together. If you both have decided to have scheduled sex or a date, do it!

3. Ask For Help!- Medical-related issues need to be addressed by the doctor. Likewise, if you feel a session of counseling can help, go for it. Support & therapy aren’t signs of a failing marriage but a lack of asking for help means a doomed marriage!