Marriage Diaries Part 2 By Alvira Diwan

Alvira Diwan’s Marriage Diaries Part 2

Marriage is an important phase of life or a milestone if I may say. It is about a couple working on a strong relationship, build with love, trust and empathy to live a socially approved life as compatible companions (My definition of marriage). But marriages in Asia (and I am sure in other cultures) are much more than this. It is about the bride, groom, their families, friends, neighbours, basically ‘A Big Fat Bollywood Style Wedding’ and everything extra! Funny but it is how marriages happen, you are married with the approval of these many people & end up pleasing them after marriage too.

They say every successful marriage asks for sacrifices. But from ‘who’ they never mention! So as an unwritten rule, the bride is supposed to make all the necessary adjustments or sacrifices that are needed for a happy family. The irony is that the adjustments are decided by the in-laws to suit their interests, and they can still claim that their daughter-in-law is an outsider and cannot be or replace their daughter. Every mistake is recorded & every move is judged. The in-laws become much better than actual critics and are best at criticizing the slightest flaws that they ever come across.

In our Asian culture, the true essence of marriage is lost somewhere amidst this.

All these people are counted as a “Third Force” and they’re responsible for creating a rift among the couple. That is the reason for the increase in the graph of the divorce rates in India for example. The couple rarely gets divorced because of the mutual understanding or relationship issues, but because of the people trying to enter their marriage with the aim of making it better.

The best part is that they act as the Uncertified yet most experienced Marriage Counselors who have dealt with numerous such cases (Problematic Marriages).

“Don’t let a third person interfere in your relationship, it will only complicate the relationship and create problems. Whatever happens to you as a couple should remain with you.”

P.S – Taking professional help is a different matter.

Alvira Diwan
Masters in Clinical Psychology
PsychWorks Clinic