Helping A Child Deal With A Bully – H&S Education & Parenting

How To Help Your Child Deal With A Bully- A Guide To Every Parent’s Nightmare!

1. Is he/she complaining of aches & pains such as tummy aches?
2. Does he/she look worried or scared?
3. Is he/she making excuses to avoid going to school?

Remember a normal response of a victim will be to avoid or withdraw from anything that is causing him/her to get stressed.

Ask your child questions about their friends who they get along with and who they dislike, as establishing good communication with your child may help them face the situation better. Of course, for younger kids keep it simple unless he/she has stated a problem. For older children, since they have a better grasp and understanding of their peers you can be more direct with your questioning. Allow your child to answer and listen carefully as he/she shares with you, without being judgemental or emotional. Remember there’s no need to overreact as all the child needs, is some support and reassurance from you.

Preventing bullying is the best thing to do, however, it’s not always possible. You can train your child to better enable him/her to handle the situation. For example, teach your child to be direct and calm but not aggravate the bully, using phrases such as “Leave me alone” or “Back off” for example & walking away from the situation. Remind him/her that being firm and confident whilst handling a ‘bully situation’ is the best thing to do, whilst crying just feeds the bully’s ego encouraging him/her to continue. Also, teach your child that whilst telling the bully to back off an eye to eye contact is essential as this screams confidence.

Be sure to always check in on your child. Ask him/her about their day and create a bond where your child is able to come and share everything with you. So when he/she is bothered by something you are aware. Make your child aware of the fact that bullies feed off power and control over others, and they have a sadistic approach where their goal is to hurt someone. Teach them that bullies are actually weak in that they lack self-control, empathy & sensitivity hence they react accordingly. Once your child is better enabled to understand the mind of a bully he/she will automatically learn how to handle and deal when encountered with a bully. Encourage your child to complain to a senior like a teacher at school if he/she is getting bullied. It’s very important to speak up and point out the bullies. You don’t want the bullying to affect the self-esteem of your child and ruin his/her confidence as that’s usually the goal of a bully. Don’t delve into the negative situation. If your child has been bullied make sure it stops and then focus on getting your child’s self-esteem and confidence up.

Some of the things you should make your child aware of:
1. To never let a bully succeed by making him/her feel upset- Remind your child also that by someone speaking negatively about him/her, doesn’t make it true unless you believe in it yourself.
2. To let the bully know what they are doing is wrong by telling them in a firm yet calm way.
3. To never give in to a bully with tears- as by doing this they are feeding their ego, instead teach your child to come back with intelligent counter remarks.
4. To laugh at the bullies threats and walk away.
5. To stand up for others who are being bullied by speaking up and complaining.

Remember as a parent you need to ensure that if your child is being bullied it stops. You can teach your child to handle the situation but when it does happen make sure it never repeats again. If this means you as the parent needs to intervene then, by all means, do so. Report to the necessary department. Always learn about the school’s policy on bullying and always document and keep records. Make sure the school takes the necessary action. If there’s a need to contact the bully’s parents then do so as sometimes it’s important to let the parents of the bully be aware of their child’s actions. Don’t be threatening but do it in a calm and composed manner with the intention to resolve the situation. This can be done via email, phone call or even face to face. However, if there is a need to involve the police then don’t hesitate, remember your child’s security is your priority!

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