Discussing Your Exes With Your Partner! – By Reshma
Talking About Your Past! – By Reshma
Past relationships can be quite tricky. Please understand that we all have a past and your partner may ask about your past at some point in your relationship. Many of us may feel the urge to spill all our secrets to maintain the health of our relationships but if that information has the potential to impact your relationship in a negative manner, then it’s okay to feel concerned about revealing it all. You don’t even have to reveal it all. If your new lover pops the relationship question you should figure out how to talk about it without finding yourself in soup for giving the wrong answers.
Before sharing something from the past, it’s always good to weigh the cons. In case you find them super embarrassing or downright regretful or maybe because you just know that your partner wouldn’t want to know.
Talking about a past relationship is not to compare or find out which one is better or worse. In fact sharing your history can strengthen your current relationship. It improves the trust. When you talk about your exes there’s always a tendency to compare (even in your head), but if your mate wants to know who’s doing a better job, obviously, it’s your current one right? In other words, reassure your loved one, make them feel good about themselves, and keep them happy in love. Work on the present.
There’s really no hard and fast rule about what to share and what not to, but you might want to consider the comfort aspect (for both of you) before opening up. If you feel that your loved one may enjoy the details of your past and use it as a learning platform, then please share it all. However, if you feel that it will hurt them and cause them significant discomfort, then it’s better to stay quiet about it. Therefore, it is very important to know the
triggers (yours and your partners’)
It may also be a good idea to let your partner know if you’ve cheated in the past. If your partner finds out from someone other than yourself it may cause a lot of pain and loss of faith. By owning your mistake, it’ll indicate to your significant other that you are not going that route again. This is big when it comes to establishing trust and respect.
The most important aspect that determines the success and longevity of a relationship is communication. Communication that is supportive, strong and healthy. If both of you (as a team) can provide a safe space to express and be vulnerable with each other about your past, then there’s a good chance that the relationship will solidify in more ways than one.
There are so many benefits of also discussing why your last relationship ended. What went wrong? Any communication messes? Incompatibility issues? Deal-breakers? Whatever it may have been, let your partner know. When you talk about how old relationships ended, you can learn from mistakes and work on them to avoid these
mistakes from happening again. Also, it might inspire your significant other to do better.
If you want to address sexual chemistry, then do so without making comparisons. Tell your partner what excites you or guide them in that moment. Talk about your needs, be vocal about it, but without linking those needs with anyone who isn’t around to fulfil them.
Now what feels okay and not okay to talk about varies from person to person. For example, the number of sexual partners that you’ve had. It’s okay to share especially when you are in a seasoned relationship where you have established sufficient trust for your partner to let go of your earlier wild days. There’s really nothing to be ashamed of.
So before deciding to talk about your past, think and ask if both of you can walk through it and walk out of it unharmed. If you can, then go for it and talk. Otherwise just seal the doors of your past and throw away the keys.
By Reshma Raju
Certified Women’s Health Coach (USA)
Do you need relationship advice? Ask your questions & Reshma will get back!