Common Sex Issues – H&S Love Affair
11 Common Sex Issues Every Couple Must Know About!
Many couple’s therapists would tell you that sex isn’t as straightforward as it appears in textbooks or in the movies. There are many couples who have issues but luckily there’s a specialist who can help get to the bottom of the problem, whether it’s a sex therapist or a gynaecologist. It’s important to note that psychological as well as physical issues or at times even both can contribute to issues related to sex directly or indirectly and therefore sometimes a multidisciplinary approach may be needed.
A lot of these ‘sex issues’ stem from the fact that couples find it difficult addressing the issue and discussing the subject. This might be because the way they grew up and sex was not a topic to discuss as it was considered a taboo or even just unnecessary. These couples don’t see sex as a key part of life. Sex isn’t only about reproduction & it involves two people to also be emotionally involved. So what are these sex problems that couples can face?
1. The Unrealistic Expectations Around Sex – There are so many misconceptions that can interfere with intimacy. Some of these include, for men, it could be worrying about the penis size or having pornographic sexual expectations from either oneself or the partner, whilst for women, it could be expecting the man to ‘do all the work’ so she can orgasm etc. Also comparing your performance with your partner to your ex, for example, can lead to unrealistic expectations. It’s therefore advisable to have a talk with a qualified counsellor who can help keep the expectations as realistic as possible.
2. Fear Of Getting Pregnant- This fear is real for many and unfortunately, it hinders with the performance as it causes stress. However, with the correct guidance of a gynaecologist and appropriate use of contraception, this fear can be reduced.
3. Lack Of Foreplay- Foreplay is important as it relaxes the woman and allows sufficient lubrication to make the sex enjoyable. Without this, there’s a rushed penetration and pain and discomfort which can also then set a fear in the woman’s mind which can further interfere. It’s therefore important to communicate openly so that your partner knows what is enjoyable to help sustain a pleasurable experience.
4. Vaginismus Due To The Penetration Phobia- Vaginismus is an involuntary spasm or tightening of the vaginal muscles that make penetration impossible or painful. This could be due to a physical and/or psychological trauma from a previous bad relationship or even due to the lack of foreplay which leads to painful penetration. This could cause a woman to reject all attempts of penetration from her partner unless she gets the help of an experienced psychotherapist and counsellor who can help her heal from the trauma and assist with relaxation techniques.
5. Tight Hymen- A hymen is a delicate membrane covering the vagina that may or may not be present at birth. In some women, this is extra thick and tight that makes intercourse difficult. A Hymenectomy is performed by a surgeon to surgically remove it before any intercourse.
6. Dyspareunia Or Painful Sex- A number of reasons can cause dyspareunia. It could be due to tight pelvic muscles or lack of lubrication, tight hymen or due to an infection or injury of the vulva and/or vagina. Sometimes all it takes is adequate foreplay and lubrication to minimize the pain. However, sometimes may need to be investigated and the underlying cause treated by a gynaecologist.
7. Performance Pressure- For men fear of impotency or fear of attaining or even maintaining an erection can be a hindrance. It is important for the man to focus on enjoying rather than how well his performance is for him to attain and maintain an erection. Relaxation is the key here and the more you relax, the more you enjoy and there’s a better chance of getting an erection. It is important to understand erection is in response to the situation and shouldn’t be forced. A sex therapist can help men who have this kind of anxiety.
8. Premature Ejaculation- This has no cause as such and requires no medical treatment. It is a learned reflex response that a man needs to recondition using squeeze and the stop-start techniques. A trained sex therapist or counsellor can help couples learn the techniques.
9. Erectile Dysfunction- This is when a man is unable to get an erection or maintain it, making intercourse impossible. There are many causes of this, it could be biological or psychogenic. If the cause requires medical or surgical intervention then it’s biological this could include endocrinal disorders, low testosterone levels, neurological conditions, injuries to the brain, spinal cord or genitals, kidney disease, vascular problems and many more. If the cause is psychogenic then a good counsellor can help.
10. Arousal Issues- For both genders arousal is important to be able to pleasure from sex. If women are unable to get aroused then the penetration is unpleasant. In women, arousal issues can be due to hormonal issues, neurological issues, psychological issues etc which can be treated by either a gynaecologist or a counsellor depending on the type of the cause.
11. No Emotional Intimacy & Lack Of Interest- This could be due to infidelity or conflicts between a couple. If a couple has issues this needs to be resolved. Both parties need to be emotionally available for sex to be pleasurable.