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17 May, 2022
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abusive relationship

Abusive Relationship – H&S Love Affair

Are You In An Abusive Relationship?
abusive relationship

If you are reading this article and the first thing that pops in your mind is physical violence, then know this, not all abusive relationships are synonymous with physical or domestic violence & hence it’s not always obvious that you’re in an abusive relationship. In an abusive relationship, the main goal of the abuser is to maintain power and control over their partner & this could be via physical, emotional, verbal or sexual abuse. This article highlights some warning signs you should be looking out for:

1. Controlling &/Or Possessive Behaviour- This involves checking on you all the time, keeping tabs on where you are, who you are with, who you talk to etc.  If you are being controlled on whom you see, whom you speak with etc, then this is a tell-tale sign to look out for.

2. Jealousy- Your partner is unreasonably jealous and keeps accusing you of being unfaithful, and goes to the extreme of cutting you out from friends and family.

3. Humiliation & Blaming- Your partner humiliates you privately or publicly by attacking you be it the way you look, speak, behave, dress, act etc or blames you for all the issues in the relationship belittling you by saying things like ‘No one would want to be with you’ etc.

4. Threatening- Verbally yelling, breaking your things, or simply threatening to hurt you or your loved ones is another sign to look out for.

5. Using Violence- Using physical or sexual violence, such as hitting, pushing, grabbing you or forcing or tricking you into having sex or doing things against your will, harming you or your loved ones is a definite sign of abuse.

What An Abusee Feels-

1. It’s My Fault- It’s important to understand that you are not to be blamed for your partner’s behaviour!

2. I’m Scared To Leave- You are not alone, there are many people who have been through a similar situation.

3. He/She Didn’t Want To Hurt Me- Things might settle down for a bit, but the cycle will most likely repeat itself.

4. He/She Loves Me- If he/she truly loves you, they won’t be violent towards you. It’s very easy for an abuser to mask his/her violent behaviour to show the world they’re a good person.

5. I’m Confused- It’s normal to feel confused, especially if you are experiencing abuse for the first time in your relationship. However, using gaslighting strategies to confuse the abusee is a common approach.

What’s Next? Making A Decision To Leave-

As obvious as it may seem to people outside the relationship, ‘leaving’ isn’t always easy for the abusee for so many reasons such as love & hope that the abuser will stop, fear: ‘what might happen to me or my partner if I leave’, kids etc.

However, once the decision to end the relationship has been reached, it’s important for you as the abusee to be kind to yourself. Seek professional help be it counselling, therapy, support groups etc. Depending on the type of abuse, think about your safety always, also know your privacy matters! Once you are ready, work on your old relationships; your friends/family who were once cut-off, as well as build new healthy ones.

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