What Authentic Relationships Are All About – By Reshma

Authentic Relationships – By Reshma

I believe that all our relationships with people are spiritual in nature. Our love relationship (with our partner) is also a spiritual quest that not only helps us to grow and evolve, but to awaken. Because we are not very comfortable with change, we do not see our relationship as a learning tool to help us grow and change. Instead we see them as safe houses to harbour our past patterns of entanglement and fear. If we want to move out of these fears we have to recognise the authenticity of our relationship. It is only when we understand and operate from that place of authenticity, do we begin to evolve as individuals. Here are a few things that (I feel) characterize relationships as authentic.

1. An authentic relationship does not ask us to compromise on our happiness and well-being.
Many of us aren’t conscious of how we are stuck in certain patterns of worthlessness and low self-esteem. This is largely because we enter relationships at a relatively young age, with lack of experience and awareness. As a result we often sacrifice our happiness, we give up on being who we are and who we are meant to be. If our relationship gives us stress more than laughter and joy, if it gives us anxiety more than affirmations, then it is a partnership that needs to be pulled up and questioned. It is a partnership that requires us to ask ‘why am I settling for less? Why am I giving up my laughs?’ The more we ask this question the more we realise that we do not need to settle. A real partnership increases our euphoria, peace and contentment. It heightens our sense of gratitude. It uplifts us. It does not diminish us. If it does, then this relationship perhaps may not be one for our true authentic self.

2. We do not have to lie about our truth in an authentic relationship.
Now because of these old patterns and mind constructs, we get into partnerships that validate our false sense of self. If we feel that we are not who we really are in our relationship, it means the relationship is asking us to wake up. Once we wake up we begin to discard all the layers of who we aren’t supposed to be; this inaccurate identity, and begin to move towards who we really are.

3. An authentic relationship is not only about comfort and permanence but also growth.
Many of us believe that just because we are in a relationship with someone, they have to be with us or we have to be with them for a long time; that this has to last. That there has to be permanence simply because it has lasted till now. What if we looked at it another way? What if we stopped looking at the longevity and focused on how much this relationship has contributed to our well-being or has the potential for growth? What if we saw our relationships as stories? Lessons? That have helped/are helping towards our growth? And when that growth is no longer conducive, then perhaps it is time to release that relationship with compassion and kindness. When we start viewing our relationship as vehicles for growth we stop using them for our comfort and convenience. We begin to use them as foundations for personal expansion, knowledge sharing and elevation. When couples recognise and commit themselves to this possibility, they start expressing themselves and encourage the other to do so as well.

 

 

By Reshma Raju
M.Sc Psychology,
Certified Women’s Health Coach (USA)