The Relationship Cycle – By Shahela Sheikh

5 Stages Of The Relationship Cycle- Written By Shahela Sheikh

It is evident that some relationships could last a lifetime while, if you hear the inspirational stories from the couples who have grown old together, it wasn’t an easy journey. Here is why! Typical relationships follow the relationship cycle. While most people do not know about the relationship cycle and may not realise that they are following the relationship cycle, this article will help you understand better where you are in your relationship cycle.

These are the 5 stages of the relationship cycle:

Falling in love – Stage 1
This is known as the addiction stage or the honeymoon phase, this is the most glamourized stage of the love cycle, if you would like to picture this stage, it’s how it plays out in the movies.

Our brains are designed to produce love hormones such as oxytocin, dopamine, and phenylethylamine, this makes you feel like you are on cloud nine but this drug trip only allows you to see the similarities between you and your partner, often dismissing any flaws. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing because we only share our flaws and irritable traits when we become more comfortable.

Our love eventually then becomes deeper once we are fully comfortable. This love drug eventually wears off, like any other drug that has to come down from its highs. Depending on the couple it lasts at least anywhere from 2 months to 2 years.

The Reality Check – Stage 2
This is the love hangover, after the relationship high, things start to become more evident. This is the stage that takes down a high number of marriages and relationships. What happens so differently in this stage? We begin to focus on our partner’s differences rather than the way we are alike. So our love gets replaced by anger and disappointment.

It’s when we begin to become annoyed by the little things, we feel less loved and cared for. Before this stage it was okay (though painful to be parted) to let each other focus on work projects – now, choosing work over each other feels like neglect. Then comes the question why doesn’t my partner have time for me?

When we start questioning our partner’s behaviour, we start trying to change them, we do this by inflicting punishment on them, this could be psychological punishments such arguments and emotional withdrawal and sometimes even aggression.

At this point, the most important factor is to accept your partner’s differences and trying to adjust to his/her flaws. If you fail to resolve in this stage then it may be time to call its quits!

Stability – Stage 3
This is the stage you have learnt how to peacefully argue with and NOT ‘fight’ with your partner. At this point, the bumpy ride is over and the negative thoughts are at bay. The love is back! Yes, with a deeper connection and understanding the love has been restored.

This stage displays clear boundaries and mutual respect. It a more confident love, where even in times of arguing and immaturity, it is understood that hurtful behaviour isn’t because your partner does not care or is being mean. However, the downside of this relationship can make some couples end even at this stage, as stability can cause boredom and restlessness. Because due to the lack of spark. Some also pull through this and are onto the next stage!

Commitment – Stage 4
If you’re looking to get married and before you rush to propose, this is the fairytale beginning stage that you must be in. This is the point where a couple has worked through maintaining the ‘spark’, and realising that even though they don’t need a partner (as humans can live on their own if they wish), they still choose to be with him or her. Commitment is a sign of true, sustainable love.

Bliss – Stage 5
This is now where couples have conceptualized the reality of commitment and have made their love spark into love fireworks. It is the conceptualization of your inner being to suit your relationship.

These type of couples tend to do everything together, live together, work together, eat together, grow together while finding new things that they are passionate about, they could be co-creating together as devotion becomes the core of this stage. This could mean from 2 becomes 3 to 4 soon. A systematic and blissful family is born.

Where are you currently in your relationship? Would you like to know how to handle hurdles in these relationship stages?

Shahela Sheikh – Psychologist

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