Marriage Diaries By Alvira Diwan

Alvira Diwan’s Marriage Diaries

I have been hearing this word for ages (since a teenager). My reaction initially was that of a normal teenager shy and sweet. With time, and repetitive use of the word made me think about marriage from different perspectives. I tried to analyse the meaning of marriage while people around me were busy trying to get me married. Yes, that is how it was. Every person I knew just had my wedding on their mind. (For a good long phase that is!) And the list included my Mumma, extended family, friends, family friends, teachers, doctors (literally) and so on. I’m not joking when I say nearly everyone around me was planning my wedding.

I mentioned ‘Wedding’ and ‘Marriage’ separately because to me they’re different.
Marriage is two Individuals entering a social contract to live their lives together and start a family. Supporting each other mentally, physically, emotionally, financially and socially. And most importantly being “One” irrespective of the many differences that they have as individuals. Whereas Wedding is just the ceremony to make it official!

I didn’t mention my father on that list because he wasn’t planning anything of that sort. And never has he mentioned about my marriage in front of me. If my mother ever did, he would conveniently ignore and leave the place. Strange isn’t it? It may sound strange but it was quite sensible of him. He had a vision like he always has for most of the things in life. When he used to ignore things my mother believed in, it was because he loves me and didn’t want me to get married early (at the time of my graduation). Well, it was true, but the perspective was different. He is quite overprotective about me, but the reason for not getting me married back then was to make me an educated and successful individual before I took up any other role in life.

His idea was to make his daughter independent, self-reliant and confident enough to face every trial in life with ease. And I think that his perception is what every parent should have for their children.

Marriage is a big responsibility. It is a woman’s job to work the most in making the marriage successful, so it is important that she is strong and mature enough to handle everything well. They say when a woman is educated her entire family is educated. Education is not just getting a degree of bachelors or masters in any field. It is about the developed thoughts, perceptions and interpretations. When you come across an educated lady you should feel the strength of her character, the elegance in her posture and the freedom in her thoughts.

So, whenever you lovingly think about getting someone married, ensure that they are ready for a lifetime commitment. Because getting married is not just about celebrations, luxuries or fun but a major life-changing event.

 

Alvira Diwan
Masters in Clinical Psychology
PsychWorks Clinic