Infidelity – H&S Love Affair

Infidelity: How To Mend Your Marriage After An Affair

Infidelity in marriage is defined as a major violation of a couple’s emotional and/or sexual exclusivity. It is a situation where one partner feels betrayed as the spouse committing infidelity has been unfaithful, breaking the vows hence considered an act of violation undermining the foundation of a ‘marriage’. It is by far the worst marital problem that leads to heartbreak, mistrust, and devastation. It’s important to note that infidelity can occur with or without physical intimacy and this term, therefore, varies among different married couples. However, infidelity doesn’t always mean the end of a marriage, provided both spouses are ready and accepting to healing. For this, it’s important to understand the reason behind infidelity!

Reasons For Infidelity/Affairs:

As discussed earlier infidelity isn’t only about having sexual intimacy with someone. It can also occur without sexual or physical intimacy! 5 main reasons include:

1. Lack Of Affection & Fondness
2. Lack Of Communication – No or poor communication with regards to emotional or physical needs
3. Chronic Health Issues – These can be physical e.g. chronic pain, cancer, disability, etc., or mental such as depression, ADD, bipolar, etc.
4. Addiction – Any type of addiction be it drugs, alcohol, gambling or betting, and even sex can lead to infidelity
5. Chronic Unresolved Marital Issues

Reactions When Discovering An Affair-

When a spouse learns about an affair at first a mix of emotions are triggered from anger to betrayal to disgust among others. Emotions aren’t just triggered in one partner but often the person caught having an affair too goes through a turmoil of emotions such as shame, guilt, remorse among others. This is perhaps the most vulnerable as well as difficult period for both as thoughts and clear judgement are clouded and most of the time this leads to rash and sometimes even dangerous decisions.

It’s therefore important to seek the professional help of a marriage counsellor, a spiritual leader etc before jumping to taking risky decisions. It’s also important to take and give space not just with your partner but with everyone whom you feel may not help the situation. So do a time-out as this is not an easy time. It needs time to fully grasp the situation and allow time for healing. Always seek support as sharing how you feel with an expert can provide a lot of light and clarity to you, enabling you to make the best decision for yourself as well as your marriage.

Mending Your Broken Marriage: On The Road To Repair-

Once you have decided to involve a professional therapist to help with the healing process. Recovery is definitely the toughest things when mending your marriage. There are hurdles to overcome and the future may look bleak or uncertain and the road may seem long and unending. However, in order to rebuild trust, it is important to feel remorse and admit guilt which will help make the process of forgiveness easier and may even help rekindle, deepen and strengthen the relationship. For healing to happen it’s important to understand:

1. Time Is The Best Healer- Take as much time as you need before your reach a decision on whether you want a divorce or not. Time will heal and even help you understand what was the reason for the infidelity. Remember, divorce is an easy solution, marriage is hard work and no irrational decisions should be made that you may regret later.
2. Counselling & Therapy Is Key- Don’t worry about what the world thinks, focus on your needs and getting professional help can shed a lot of light and even help take the correct decisions for you. A counsellor is not going to be taking sides and will work professionally without any bias, unlike friends or family. It’s therefore important to take help so you can see through the eyes of someone who is impartial and uninvolved as they will help you not just to identify & resolve those issues but will also help you rebuild & strengthen your relationship and hopefully avoid divorce.
3. Taking Responsibility Is A Huge Step Forward To Restoring Trust- Accept your mistake if you were cheating and apologize meaningfully and whole-heartedly. Promising to end the affair isn’t enough, for actions speak louder than words. Stop all forms of interaction or communication if you want to save your marriage.
4. Recommitment & Rebuilding Will Help Repair Your Broken Marriage- If you want to move forward it’s important to recommit and go through the healing process together despite it being painful. Remember nothing is easy and no pain, no gain! In order to not just rebuild your marriage but perhaps build it better than before and strengthen your relationship, it requires work from both spouses. Forgiveness as well as willingness to change!