In Love With A Narcissist? – By Reshma

Are You In A Relationship With A Narcissist?- An Article By Reshma Raju

Everyone would have at some point or the other in their life come across a narcissist. I strongly believe that those who are involved in intimate relationships with a narcissist, will have realized the wisdom in setting boundaries, detaching or breaking away from that person.

Why?

Because frequent conflicts and manipulative behavior mostly end up with one partner trying to reassess the entire worth of the relationship and the narcissistic one taking absolutely no responsibility for the problem. According to this person, it is always the other party to blame. A narcissist will seem to lack apathy and be self absorbed. Many a time they will undermine the self esteem of their partners, and demand a certain level of appreciation which they believe they are entitled to. Some of them can be manipulative and cruel as well. Such partners tend to take centre stage in their relationships, with the other partner constantly hovering around them.

Even though it can be quite difficult to evaluate your relationship with a narcissistic partner, here are few questions that could throw some insight into the impact that your partner is making in your life.

1) Are you with your partner just because of some sense of obligation or guilt?

Narcissistic partners tend to rely only on those people who appreciate them, give them attention and those who enhance their sense of self. If you have become the source of this person’s ego massage, then you will need to be ready to be greeted with anger and criticism if you break free of this or even try. This can be hard to do as the narcissistic partners can be quite exploitative and controlling, and many a time we can find it very difficult to say NO. Narcissists can make the other partner feel like they owe them a lot.

2) Do you feel exhausted interacting with a narcissistic partner?

It can be very tiring trying to keep up with the needs of a partner who depends on you to boost them all the time. When a narcissistic partner turns to you whenever they feel empty, lonely and depleted, and when you fill that gap, they begin to see you as an unlimited source of narcissistic needs instead as another human being with your own needs. Now this could take a toll on you with time, since they largely see you as inferior to them and their treatment of you reflects the same. Note: The narcissistic partner has a very fragile sense of self.

3) Does your partner genuinely feel happy when you succeed or become competitive?

If your partner feels envious or expresses jealousy/competitiveness when you succeed in work/wealth or love, then it is a sign that your relationship has probably run its course. Narcissistic individuals express envy as a core trait, and this could make the other partner feel degraded and robbed of a sense of achievement.

4) Does your partner distort the exchanges which have transpired between you?

Conflict cannot be avoided when in a relationship with a narcissistic partner. Because it is tough to be able to provide constant admiration and support all the time (and be unable to express disagreement or difference of opinion), it may cause a lot of conflict between partners and the entire conflict could be distorted by the narcissistic partner. Blame and projection is a defense mechanism for the narcissistic partner and thereby one partner may be blamed for the problems caused by the narcissistic one. God forbid that you point that out because that could only anger them further and blame you.

5) Does your partner make unreasonable demands on you?

A narcissistic partner can bring to the relationship a certain sense of entitlement. They constantly feel that they deserve special treatment and may expect the other partner to be at their beck and call all the time. Or else they will call their partner ‘selfish’.

Therefore it is important to realise how important it is to draw boundaries and recognise that everyone may not need to be in our life.

If we come across people who are unhealthy for our growth and peace of mind, we have to be okay to let them go!

 

By Reshma Raju
M.Sc Psychology,
Certified Women’s Health Coach (USA)