Healthy Fighting – H&S Love Affair

Healthy Fighting – The Best Way To Fight With Your Partner!

Conflict is inevitable even in the best of relationships & thus it’s easy to say no relationship is perfect. But fighting doesn’t have to be emotionally draining or end up in tears or silent treatment. You can have disagreements and could end up having a healthy fight keeping respect & love for each other intact. In fact, couples who don’t argue or fight are usually the ones who end up in a divorce. So it is good to have a healthy fight every now and then without compromising respect and love for each other. Any conflict that is callous or hurtful is unhealthy and should be avoided. It is possible to have conflicts with your partner that are constructive and will help you strengthen your relationship bringing you closer to your partner, as it brings about honest conversations that can be beneficial to the relationship.

Tips For Healthy Fighting:

1. Stop Abusing The Words ‘Always’ & ‘Never’- Does it sound familiar? If you have had a conflict with your partner in the past then you know what this means. “You always do this”, “You never listen” these are examples of some of the common statements fired during an unhealthy fight. If you want to be constructive and focus on the larger concern, it’s best to try not to use these words because you sound like you are complaining & will end up in a different argument and never be able to resolve anything. Most of the times the statements with the words Never or Always are NEVER true, to begin with. Rather than sounding like you are complaining why not rephrase & be more direct for example rather than saying “you never do the cooking” try “can you please do cook today as I am tired”. This way you will get what you want without a fuss.

2. Express What’s Bothering You & LISTEN MORE- Rethink the blame-game when healthy fighting! Let your partner know your feelings or what it is you need. Don’t expect your partner to know what’s going on or what’s bothering you; until you don’t express it how is he/she supposed to know? Stop accusing or blaming them but rather communicate explicitly without creating a drama. For e.g. rather than blaming saying “you are so selfish for not informing me you will be late from work”. Try saying “I was worried as I expected you home early and started getting anxious thinking what if something happened to you. Next time if you could just let me know so I don’t get worked up.” Give your partner a chance to also explain himself as there could be a legit reason maybe his phone had very little battery power or he lost his phone. Remember good communication skills is the key to a lasting relationship!

3. Don’t Wait Till Tomorrow- If you know something’s bothering you might as well say it and get it out of the way. When you let things slip, they bottle up and that’s when one can explode. To avoid that, it’s best to say it then and there and get it out of the way.

4. Face-To-Face Conflicts Always Best For Healthy Fighting!- If you want to have a healthy fight and not allow space for miscommunication or misunderstandings then always have face-to-face conflicts. Yes, we are always on the phone but messages sometimes can create unnecessary misunderstandings, so it’s better to do it when you have your partner in front of you.

5. It’s Okay Not To See Eye T0 Eye- Remember you and your partner are different individuals and you will not always have the same opinion and disagreements will be inevitable. The first step is accepting reality. The next is to know you may end up in an unexpected heated conversation and that’s okay. If you find yourself in that situation take some timeout or add some humour it will help overcome the situation & if need be the topic can be revisited, once you both have calmed down.

6. If You Must, Sleep Angry!- Contradictory to the advice given that it’s always good to resolve the fight before you go to bed. Sometimes it can be exhausting and it is better to sleep angry then end up in an unproductive fight that won’t be easy to resolve when minds are tired. It’s not always about getting to the bottom of things in an argument but rather about getting each other’s perspectives right. So tell yourselves, “we aren’t getting anywhere let’s revisit this another time!”

7. Apologise The Right Way & For The Right Reasons- It’s so easy to say the words “I’m sorry” and not mean it. If you are really sorry then show it to your partner that you mean it! A good sorry never hurt anyone!

If you try and put these 7 tips into your practice, you will have more healthy fights and a better relationship with your partner. Remember both need to practice and not just one partner. Also, remember fights and arguments are healthy as they help you grow together!